"it's sad when people you know become people you knew. when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. how you used to be able to talk for hours, and now you can barely stand to look at them. it's sad how times change."
Thankfully, today wasn’t as bad. I mean, I did have my urges to go on Twitter and Facebook, but I held back. For some reason, I just didn’t feel it as much today. I’ve realized that since I’ve given up them up, I’ve been able to get things done much more quickly and efficiently, leaving me more time to do other things throughout the day. I also spent an hour alone today and I started thinking about what I really want in life and about relationships and things like that. I’ve also realized something about someone that I never really considered before…weird. But yeah, other than that, I think i can hold off until Thursday. This project is actually doing me some good, and I’m proud that I’ve made it this far considering my addiction is so bad. Just two more days!
Oh man. Today’s been pretty rough, especially tonight. I want to tweet SO FREAKING BADLY, but i’m trying so hard to resist! Of course, the Grammy’s are on and I can’t even tweet about them! I never realized how dependent I am on tweeting before this project…seriously. It’s pretty bad. But I can’t help it. I just feel the need to constantly share my thoughts and opinions. So, since I can’t use Twitter or Facebook, I have resorted to going on Tumblr more often, which somewhat defeats the whole point of this project, but oh well. I’m still practicing my willpower so it’s not a total waste. And, I am sort of learning more about myself as I go along, so that’s always good too. I’m really pathetic though. Tonight, I actually created a note on my phone and wrote down all of the tweets that I would’ve posted if I could use Twitter… yeah, it’s that bad. I keep thinking about Thursday and how amazing it will feel to be able to go on Twitter and Facebook again. This addiction is insane. I can’t believe I’m so dependent on social networking sites… I’M GOING INSANE HERE.
My mood swings haven’t been as bad today. I still find myself subconsciously tapping the Twitter or Facebook apps on my phone or typing in “www.Facebook.com” in the address bar. I’ve realized that since I can’t go on Facebook or Twitter, I resort to Tumblr or other websites to fill the void. I still feel like I’m missing out on some things by not being able to view my news feed or Twitter feed. I really want to log on, but I’m trying my best to stay strong. I’ve spent time by myself again just thinking, and it led me to think about a lot of things, especially what I want to do in the future and what I want to accomplish. I also thought about my friends and family again. I really think this project is doing some good for me. I’m definitely feeling somewhat more at ease by not feeling obligated to constantly check what everyone’s doing on Twitter or Facebook, or needing to tweet what I’m doing or where I am. I also kind of the like the idea of not having to constantly post about my personal life. (Besides this, of course.) But so far, I’m doing pretty good & I think I can make it to Thursday. However, I find it ironic that a lot of big events are happening within my social life and unfortunately, I cannot rely on Facebook or Twitter to learn more or communicate with other people about it. Oh, irony.
the whole “keep Tumblr a secret” rule is really stupid. if Tumblr was sooo dedicated to that rule, then why the fxck would they give us the option “send to Twitter” where EVERYONE and ANYONE can see it? hmmm, doesn’t make much sense now, does it? and what the hell do they intend this to be? a secret cult or something? no, that’s ridiculous. so, fxck that rule. okay, that’s all.
Today’s had its temptations as well. Throughout the day, I’ve found myself making excuses to go on Facebook or Twitter. But I resisted most of them. I’ve also realized that I subconsciously tapped the Twitter and Facebook apps on my phone several times today, and quickly exited out of them. I guess my addictions are worse than I thought. I still feel disconnected from the world, even though I still hang out with my friends. I feel the need to log onto Twitter and tweet about my current whereabouts or doings and wanting to log onto Facebook to see what everyone’s up to. People have mentioned all throughout the day “Have you seen what so-and-so posted on Facebook?” or “Did you see so-and-so’s tweet?” It’s been absolute torture. But I think this project is actually doing me some good. It’s helping me realize how much time I actually spend on social networking sites (this one doesn’t count). I also finally tried out the thing where I sit by myself for a period of time and just think. I started making a list of things I like and don’t like about myself. I’ve also thought a lot about my friends and the changes I’ve experienced since the beginning of high school. So I guess that’s good. I still haven’t figured myself out yet, but I’m on my way. Hopefully I will eventually.
*edit: By the way, I’ve been experiencing some major mood swings and weird behavior…possible withdrawal symptoms.
So today, in English class, my teacher assigned a new project. He made us make a list of three things that we constantly do as a teenager (mine were 1) cell phone, 2) Facebook/Twitter, & 3) TV), and then choose one of these things to give up for an entire week. He actually gave a really inspirational and interesting speech about Transcendentalists like Thoreau who gave up things in life that would be a burden to him, and stuff like that (even though none of this relates to anything we’re currently learning). But all the things he said made sense and really got me thinking. Do we really know ourselves? Are we our own person? Or are we a product of today’s culture and society? He said how we should really try to set aside all the time that we would take to do things we normally do (Facebook/Twitter) and use that time to really think and get to know yourself. To be honest, I’m really not too sure that I do know myself, so I think this will be an interesting project. However, I’m already catching myself trying to constantly check Twitter or Facebook. Let me tell you, it is ridiculously difficult to resist the temptations. I’m already experiencing mood swings as a withdrawal system. And it’s only been about 6 hours…oh man. I’ve got a long way to go. Ahhh, I feel so disconnected from the world.